i grew up outside india, not very far, just across the Arabian sea. i was also not very far from my indian roots and culture. i studied in an indian school, had indian and south asian friends, ate indian food, watched bollywood movies. maybe it is because of my situation and the media that i happened to come across that i hold the beliefs that i do. now i’m not a patriot and i don’t feel like i belong to any country. but here i am, and i am disturbed by the current events.

i remember that i hated watching the news when i was a child, there was always something bad happening somewhere. nothing has changed much. but i have. i used to think that the pieces of news that talked about injustices and violence were extremes. that that doesn’t usually happen. but i was wrong and i only learnt the reality after moving back to india and when i started paying attention to the political and societal climate that i am part of. it’s been a deeply disappointing journey to adulthood and i felt deeply alone.

i want to take this space to talk about those disappointments and problems in general. nothing new, but i need to speak because i feel it turning into poison within me. thinking and writing is all i know.

now where do i begin. terrible infrastructure, education system, healthcare, transport, climate change, every thing is bad, and every thing can be fixed. and it is not only not being fixed, but getting worse. the failure of one government in the past decade has set us back god knows how much. it pains me to think about the untapped potential that we have, if given the chance. in sport, technological innovations, art, science, everything! no one else is going to give us this chance and make our lives better. we will have to do it for ourselves and demand it for ourselves. ministers will come and go. our allegiance must be to each other, not to one person or party. if they are doing a bad job, out with them! leading a country is a rather serious job. so why not have even the basic expectations from them? it is simply another job. it is their job to know what to do and how to do it! what is so difficult about trying to make your own citizens’ lives better? what else are they there for? what else is the job description?

demonetization, covid deaths, failing infrastructure, and increasing lawlessness. all crimes of the current govt. i remember the shores of river Ganga lined with dead bodies during the pandemic. this govt is incapable of doing anything good, and yet there isn’t any accountability. tax is levied on basically everything, from milk to second-hand cars. the taxes that we pay are higher than even in other European or SEA countries. yet, we get no returns for it. every day is a struggle for a large part of the population. who is going to be held responsible for the pain and suffering and death that roam unchecked? those responsible are busy in foreign trips and sowing strife in the name of the hindu religion. no part of india is safe for its citizens, there must be a breaking point somewhere.

i can go on about the incompetence of the government, but we must also consider the other half, the public. the indian society as we live in today, negatively affects our quality of life in many ways. the biggest factor is the caste system. govt policies can help the people lagging behind, but citizens must also stop partaking in discriminatory behavior and language. coupled with it is the lack of any civic sense. there needs to be courses and government-led initiatives so people can learn be more mindful. additionally, focusing on communication and comprehension skills, morals and ethics, would be some of the most helpful things for citizens of today. every one learns and applies hard skills, the same goes for soft skills, which are just as important as hard skills, and in many cases, more important.

Islamophobia has been made so commonplace that some people have lost their own humanity. pulling down mosques does not make a temple shine brighter. the land of injustices will remain cursed. indian christians, sikhs, people from the north-east part of india, and people from the south of india, all face racism from their own fellow citizens. and the pathetic govt issues out bulldozers to tear down houses of Muslim families. where are they supposed to go? not a day goes by when i don’t think of the little girl who ran into her house that was being torn down, and fled with whatever books she could carry in her little arms.

like in a lot of other places, patriarchy, capitalism, and colonialism have taken root in our daily lives as a collective and as individuals. add to that mix, the hindu caste system, which is yet another excuse to divide and discriminate against people. why is there the constant need to justify our existence as being superior to another’s? we are all the same. our cultural differences are just that, differences. no one is better than the other. caste system is still being used to discriminate against people of lower castes and “untouchables”. people of the upper castes are made to believe that cleaning sewers and streets is someone else’s work, so they throw trash everywhere. i’ve even seen cases of separate elevators for house help/delivery persons and residents. this is casteism and othering.

women of the lower classes and castes have always worked, both inside and outside their own houses. others have typically worked as housewives. that doesn’t mean that women haven’t had influence. within families, matriarchs are not unheard of. the problem arises when women are the ones who oppress other women from internalized misogyny and by following the patriarchal system. men and women have been responsible for propagating the same harmful ideas in the name of culture and tradition. girls being educated, but then married off to some guy and having children, living as second-class citizens in their own homes and their own country. their own homes are not safe for them (domestic violence from in-laws) and let’s not talk about the cities or towns or anywhere for that matter. where is an indian woman supposed to live in this country? menstruation is seen as something dirty and i’ve seen cases of girls and women made to sleep on the floor, not allowed to enter kitchens, or temples. child birth seems to be the only function for her, who cares about her health in all of this? and if the family is really backward, god forbid she gives birth to a girl child. Dante’s levels of hell are nothing compared to what a human can do to another human being.

what happens to children in such environments? the same cycles keep repeating, unless by chance, the child grows up to have different ideas and breaks the cycle. i feel the most pain for the children of this country. they don’t have much place here either. the education system is not good enough to help them apply themselves, or to create a sense of wonder and curiosity about the world. a few are lucky to have adults to encourage them, but most go unanswered. and if you are unlucky enough to be born to a lower caste family? too bad, you have to go and clean gutters now, without any protective gear. heard about slumdog millionaire? apart from the whole quiz show, the rest of the movie’s backdrop could be repurposed as a documentary. the bad air and water quality, lack of hygiene, lack of nutritious food, poverty, the extent to which women and children are failed on the daily here is tremendously unjust. people have children just for the sake of it, because that’s something you’re supposed to do. they don’t even know how to be parents and aren’t taught either. i shudder to think of violence against children, which is called “disciplining” them. these days, there may be more thought among educated people in urban cities. but no one has that much money to finance children. the fees for private schools and colleges can be thought of as looting. public schools can be understaffed and have bad infrastructure, or don’t exist at all in the area! how can children be expected to study well in such environments? what you are born to and what you can get for the rest of your life is solely determined and limited by your birth.

it’s become such a rat race, especially for lower and middle class children. they go to school, then they go to tuition classes. the expectations placed on them are too high. parents want the best for their children, but in wanting the best, they fail to consider what is good for them. engineering and securing government jobs is the extent of ambition. jobs will be secure and stable and they will get good marriage proposals. that works for some, but is it really the dream? people with govt jobs have the reputation that they do nothing and still get paid, that’s why other people want such jobs too. and if one is ready to take bribes, you have another source of income. when money equals living, people will inevitably do anything for it. it is the failure of the govt and their employment policies. there is little regulation for private companies and they can just do anything. employees are made to work long hours with little compensation. many US companies offload their work to india and other south asian countries. employees in these local branches have to work in US time zones, and that means pulling night shifts. why must we comply with them? but if govts started to apply regulations, the US companies would go and invest somewhere else. such spineless behavior is the reason that this govt doesn’t do anything about it. they are simply lapdogs of the west. such a shame.

the mainstream news channels are so completely shameless, it makes me want to break the tv. i hate their voices. the govt uses such sellouts to spread their poison. they will speak whatever they are told, they will cover the billionaire son’s weddings and praise their private zoos. i don’t understand how they can live with themselves, and when this whole modi wind blows over, i hope they find out the consequences to their actions. freedom of press is restricted and if someone tries to report actual facts, they are jailed or killed. there are some outlets that hold up journalism, but a lot of mainstream news channels are garbage.

now it is impossible to categorize indians into any single category. no label exists that can encompass this identity. and so these are not blanket statements, but rather the enlarged cracks in our society. for any meaningful progress, the mindset of a lot of indian people must change. the unchecked hate comments, slurs, and misinformation spread by right-wing trolls on social media is an international embarrassment and leaves a negative impression of all indians. it is a twisted mix of inferiority and superiority complexes. it hurts any good diplomatic relationships we may have left with other countries. right-wing fascists’ obsessiveness with zionism and Islamophobia has not helped us either. it has been a pathetic display on a global stage. it certainly has been due to the current modi govt’s divisive political play. the last time indians fought for freedom was against the british, though the hindu right-wing never wanted a secular india. these are the same kind of people who were ready to be in servitude to the british empire. they had become another minor extremist group, but the current govt has brought them back and fueled them. now, the poison has spread too far, but it is not too late to recover.

i like to believe that the people of india have not lost their soul or dignity. i get strength from those who speak out and do something about such injustices every day, most of all the children who refuse to fall for hate, who question authority, and stay firm in truth. the constitution of india defines what india is and each of us define what india is with our actions.